What is success?

When I was a wee lil lad, I wanted to be a professional athlete. At first in tennis, then skiing. That failed when I realized I was unfortunately not athletically gifted. Then, my first real job that I had actual interest in was physics, at the Princeton Physics Plasma Lab — researching nuclear fusion. That failed when I had to integrate an electromagnetic field over the surface of a spheroid (math is like, really hard). After that, it became less about the job and more about the money. All that is to say, for my entire journey as a teenager I was dreaming about what’s next. Why? Because my ONLY goal was to be “successful”.

At that point, I defined success in very traditional terms — getting into a good college, getting a good job, and subsequently make a shit load of money. If I wasn’t thinking about my future working life, I was thinking about college. I spent a lot of time dreaming about my future, and making plans to reach that pinnacle.

So much so that I forwent every other part of my life. I sacrificed a social life, health, and honestly my personal happiness all to have this future life that I believed would be the definition of “success”. And it worked — I ended up getting into a very good school. But at what cost? I wouldn’t say I enjoyed my high school life, nor the person I was in high school.

And when I came to college, that didn’t exactly change. My first half of college was spent solely concerned about grades, academic success, research, jobs, internships and everything else related to this preconceived notion of success. I spent all day either going to class, prepping for interviews, or working. The only thing I changed since high school was going to the gym, and that wasn’t for any reason other than I wanted to look good. There was no deeper meaning. And that’s why I say it didn’t affect my outlook on success.

My entire concept of success changed when I joined my very first club at Berkeley — the Cal Ski Team. I had tried to join various academic clubs unsuccessfully during my first two years, and had practically given up. Even my admittance to this ski club was accidental. The officers had meant to invite a different Rishi, but had wrongly let me in. When I first found that out, I was understandably confused. I didn’t know how to feel. Should I be sad? Should I be mad? Should I quit?

Now I think differently. I choose to believe that Fate was smiling on me that day. I’ve met all my closest friends through this club. I’ve had so many good memories, shared so many good Times, and experienced so much — all because of this club. Cal Ski Team and it’s people have fundamentally changed my definition of success.

It’s not about having the most prestigious job, or having the most money, or anything related to that. It’s happiness. And I’m not trying to define success for anyone else — I’m simply sharing the evolution of my perspective. Obviously having enough money to be stable, have a home, have food and do what you enjoy is vital. But money itself isn’t the critical difference. In fact, only up to around $105,000 does money change “happiness levels”.

So, now that I’ve defined success to myself as happiness, the question changes from “What is success?” to “What is happiness?”. And here’s where my mother had words of wisdom. According to her, and now me, happiness is an ebb and flow. You will have moments of sadness. That is inevitable. So, rather than chasing happiness, we should strive for contentment. Being content with where you are, what you are doing, and most importantly WHO you are. That is success.

So far, this discussion has been very philosophical. Let’s make it tangible. How has my change in definition of success tangibly affected my decisions? To be frank, a lot.

It started with a readjustment of priorities. I was spending a lot of time skiing and generally just hanging out. That inevitably meant I had less time to focus on my traditionalist definition of success. So yes, my academic performance suffered. My grades absolutely went down, but not by cataclysmic levels. To that point, I recently graduated with two majors in only 3.5 years. I have a great job that I’m proud of. So, by those original measures of success we are A-okay.

More importantly, on the expanded definition, I’m content. I feel great about who I am. I understand that I’m not the perfect person. But I’m taking the steps to get there. I have a much closer connection to my parents. I have dreams and goals far outside of my career. I have genuine connections with people that make the mundane interesting and fun. And I’ve had incredible experiences over the past three years, since this change.

Most notably, I took a gap semester from college and solo-traveled for 4 months across South East Asia. I skied countless times, and jumped off countless cliffs. I saw the Northern lights in Alaska with 25 friends from college. I’ve made new connections all over the world. I graduated college and had a blast doing it. I’ve prioritized my health past just going to the gym — I eat healthier, I do cardio, I prioritize sleep, and I even go to therapy. I find that with all these, reaching those original goals of success are far easier — because those never left. My definition just expanded.